Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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