Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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