sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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