I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
