I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
