Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize