Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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