Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
