her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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