yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
