I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
