first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
