I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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