Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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