Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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