And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize