my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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