jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
