What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
