Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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