I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
