I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
