can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize