i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
