Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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