i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
