can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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