birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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