I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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