id be glad to
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
