look no pants
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
