Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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