final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
