nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
