Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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