On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
