Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
