Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
