I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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