70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
