you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
