Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
