I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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