i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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