I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
