I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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