is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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