Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
