I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
