hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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