how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
