I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
