sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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