New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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