Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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