Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
