Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
