Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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