Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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