His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
