I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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