make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's never too late to be topless.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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