guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
