and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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